Celebrity Spokesman
text only
Title: Celebrity Spokesman (Common Sense)
Rating: PG
Category: CC Bashing With a Little GA and RP
bashing on the side. Parody, Humor
Summary: An infomercial
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: CC, GA, & RP Belong To Themselves
Feedback: Please send your thoughts of this fic to:
forever@zoominternet.net
Archive: Where ever just leave as is
Authors Notes: This was written in a fit of silly
discontentment at the start of the eighth season.
Sorry if it offends anyone. I meant no harm.
******************************
Celebrity Spokesman (Common Sense)
By Kelly J. Thompson
THE FOLLOWING IS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT
FROM THE SOCIETY FOR THE PREVENTION OF
DIARRHEA OF THE MOUTH, FOOT IN MOUTH
SYNDROME, AND GENERAL DISORDERS OF
THE BRAIN TO THE VOCAL CORDS.
"Hello, I'm Chris Carter, creator of the X-Files."
"I'm here today tell you about a wonderful new drug
created by the Society for the Prevention of Diarrhea
of the Mouth, Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome, and General
Disorders of the Brain to the Vocal Cords called
Common Sense."
"I was diagnosed with DOM and FMS shortly after the
premiere of the eighth season of ' The X-Files.' When
I
realized I made disparaging and demeaning remarks
regarding a character that I myself created, the fans,
and certain events and storylines of the X-Files. This
caused an uproar with the fans of the show, which
caused the ratings to drop."
"I immediately sought help. I discovered the
SPDMFMSGDBVC where I found many others
suffering from the same ailments I was suffering and
got the support I so desperately needed. The doctors
immediately prescribed Common Sense. After I got
Common Sense, I noticed the difference immediately. I
finally started to say things that actually made
sense, I
stayed consistent and true to my promises. X-Philes
around the world began to respect me again. I haven't
felt this well liked in years, thanks to Common
Sense.
I also recommended Common Sense to some of the
cast of 'The X-Files,' and they are also singing the
praises of Common Sense."
"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Gillian
Anderson and Robert Patrick."
"Gillian, let me start with you. How did Common
Sense change your life? "
"Well, Chris, as you know my disparaging and
demeaning remarks concerning one certain character
on 'The X-Files' were not only hurting the show-- I
was also losing the respect of my fans. And, then you
suggested that I get some Common Sense. And, since
I started using Common Sense, fans started to respect
me again, and the show's ratings started to rebound.
In my honest opinion Common Sense saved my
career."
"Thank you, Gillian."
"Now, Robert, how has Common Sense helped you."
"I don't need Common Sense, Chris. Because you and
I both know that it doesn't matter what the fans think
of me or the show. They just don't matt....."
" ....Oops it looks like Robert forgot his Common
Sense again. He always does this."
"Robert, remember what I said the last time you forgot
your Common Sense? That if you forgot it again
Doggett gets the alien torture and will come back
missing his manly manness. Don't forget again, you
hear me? "
"Yes, Surfer God Sir."
"Okay, there you have it-- a fine example of this
horrible ailment. If you ever find yourself in
situations
such as the one you just witnessed, PLEASE, GET
SOME COMMON SENSE!"
"I'm Chris Carter, Thanks, for joining me, Goodnight."
****************************************
Flame me, Flame me I don't care. This was my first
fan fic and probably my last. So, say what you must.
Oh, and my apologies to CC, GA, & RP. Really I
mean that. I honestly do. Okay, maybe not
completely, but still.....